im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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