I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
