OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
