I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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