The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
