It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
