So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
