I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
