I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
