I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
