Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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