walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
