Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
why is half of my head shaved?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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