You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
