Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
