There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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