found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
