oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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