So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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