I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
