Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
