Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
