i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
