Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
