Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
