I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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