He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
