Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
