I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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