Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
