Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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