I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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