Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
