i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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