im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
