Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
