and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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