Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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