I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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