Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
