My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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