my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
