Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
