if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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