i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
