Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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