His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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