Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
