I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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