plz talk dirty to me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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