It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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