I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We got so high we made milksteak
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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