My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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