Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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