I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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