I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
