she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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