Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
