You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
