he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
