I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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