Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
