My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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