Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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