i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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