you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize