i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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