The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
