I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
