my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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