Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
