Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
