i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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