In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
