Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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