i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there was a trapeze. enough said
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
