btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
