weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
