I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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