HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
