Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
