So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
