thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You can't motorboat a personality
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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