I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
