A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
