omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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